One Gross of Industrial Strength Earplugs To Go
by KareNeko
Summary: It's a good thing Shuichi's too cute to strangle...Oneshot, quick & painless.


Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation etc.

"What are you two doing out here? Turn that damn thing down!" Yuki stormed into the living room, daggers shooting from his eyes. "Go play somewhere else!" He grabbed the remote from Shuichi, who flinched involuntarily, and snapped off the tv. The music died instantly. He threw the remote on the table and the cover snapped open, the batteries flying under the couch, and he growled as he stalked past them heading for the kitchen, "Pick those up. Now!"

Ryuichi's chibi eyes grew less cute and more menacingly sexy as he purred, "Ooh, see, he wants us to go play together somewhere else…that would be perfect."

Ack! Shuichi thought, no good, no good! Ryu's been just too irresistible, especially with Yuki so uber-cranky, it was too much temptation! He scrabbled for the batteries, reassembling the remote, hoping to make amends. He knew what Ryuichi was thinking, He thinks I'm a shameless boot-licker for Yuki. Boot-licker. Yuki would look so hot in boots, I'd lick them any…

"Shuichi! Did you drink the last beer?" roared the blond, head fruitlessly bobbing in the fridge. Ryu shoved his empty beer cans under the couch cushion and twisted his mouth sideways in feigned innocence. He clutched Kumagoro and put his finger to the bunny's lips. Our secret.

"N-no Yuki," Shu stammered.

He emerged with a tumbler of red wine and a sincerely pissed off look, heading back to his laptop. "If you're going to stay, you need to be quiet. I've got a deadline and I can't think with all this bullshit going on out here." His industrial-size box of Hearos was empty, so there were no earplugs to keep the peace.

Shuichi could never leave bad enough alone. "You always have a deadline! It's not fair!"

Kumagoro waved his arms cheerleader style. Go get 'em Shu! He seemed to be chanting.

"Repeat after me," Yuki said in exaggerated patience. "I am an author"

"I am an author!" Shu cheeped.

"No, _idiot, _not you."

"You are an author," he intoned more soberly.

"I work for an agent, who reports to a publisher"

"You work for an agent, who resorts to a punisher"

"Close enough. Who have deadlines for my work in the regular course of business,"

"Huh?"

"Never mind, why do I bother…"

":No Yuki Wait! this is fun!"

"Like hell it is!"

"If you were really a good writer you'd be sparkly when you write," Ryuichi pouted. "Not acting all crappy like this."

SLAM! Shuichi could swear he saw the wall bow with the force of the slammed door.

"Not sparkly at all. Let's go Shu, lets go go go make some fun that's sweet." He was suddenly behind Shu, holding Kumagoro in front his face. It placed Ryu's breath on Shu's neck, and legs straddling his hips on the couch. Shuichi popped up, no no no this is a Very Bad Idea.

"Maybe - um. Maybe we can play another time!" Shuichi suggested brightly.

"No, I'm hungry for you now. I want to eat you up. I'll starve if you make me go! Just let me stay..!"

His voice was rising, Shu's hands fluttering as he tried to figure out how to make him quiet down without slapping a hand over his mouth. Unable to think of anything, he just slapped his hands over the whining singer's mouth. Ryu looked perturbed, then evil. Shu felt his tongue snaking over his palm.

He glanced over his shoulder at the door. He could hear the light ticking of the writer's fingers on the keyboard. OK, things are under control. Sort of.

Ryuichi was sucking in his palm now, trying to loosen his grip and get to his fingers. Shu loosened up a little - he has to breathe, he reasoned - and his fingers were being devoured, sucked and nibbled and tongued.

"I love hard candy," purred Ryu.

Oh boy this is a problem, Shu fretted, feeling the room getting very warm. Oh boy oh boy. Ohhhhh boyyyy ohhhhh….

He jumped like a gunshot victim when he heard the door latch, trying to free himself from Ryu's mouth; jerking his hand away and instead catching the inside of his cheek with a hooked finger, snaring him like a battling Chinook. They struggled briefly, Ryu biting down in reflex and the two of them yelping in pain and surprise and trying to extricate themselves and…

Yuki gaped from the doorway. What the hell are those dipshits up to? He shook his head, stalked back to the kitchen to refill his glass. When he came back out they were sitting on either end of the couch bright eyed and breathless, staring at him with frozen embarrassed smiles.

At least they shut up, he thought, and sealed himself back up into the room.

Ryuichi's face dropped. "Bad Shu hurt my lip."

"I'm sorry. You bit my finger," he offered in consolation.

"Kiss it. Make it better."

Shuichi knew this was treacherous territory. He darted in for a quick peck.

"There, all better."

"You missed! It hurts in here!" He pulled his lip out and pointed to the inside of his cheek. "Meanie!"

"Um. I don't know mmmph!" Ryu had pulled his mouth into his, Shuichi flailing but trying to be quiet.

"You make me feel all warm inside. What's wrong with Shuichi? Don't you feel warm inside?"

Too warm. He jumped up and dashed into the kitchen , grabbed 2 cups and pressed one under the ice dispenser. The noise seemed deafening as it echoed in the quiet kitchen and he pulled back immediately. He grabbed a towel to muffle the noise and wrapped it around the cup. That really didn't help much

SPLAT! Ryu rear-ended him with a full-body slam, flattening him into the front of the fridge. When he peeled himself off and tried to pull the cup back, the towel caught in the dispenser. He pulled away the cup but the dispenser kept grinding noisily away and the ice was now dumping onto the kitchen floor.

His nervous fingers dug at the offending towel, trying to stop the cascading ice, when

"Ice fight!" No, don't! Shuichi thought, but couldn't quite get the command to his lips as heaping fistfuls of ice cubes were inserted into the back of his underwear.

"Yaaahhh!" he screamed, "No, stop I have to stop the ice…yoww!" As another fistful was crammed down the front of his pants, and their feet began to slip on the wet icy surface.

Somehow the air grew even chillier and they froze, ice still grinding loudly onto the floor and Ryu in mid-ice-stuffing frontal assault. Yuki stood staring at them in the entryway to the kitchen. The moment hung in time as the three regarded one another. Ryu deftly snatched his hand back from the loaded pants.

Yuki lumbered ominously to the fridge and snatched the towel out of the mechanism, Shu and Ryu parting just in time to avoid being bowled over. The resulting silence was deafening.

"Clean.This.Shit.Up!" He bit the words in murderous tones. Ryu pointed to the icy load in the back of Shu's pants and looked at the blond with a hopeful, questioning look in his eyes. Yuki scowled even harder. "Over SOMEBODY's dead body you will!"

Once again the door slammed shut, and Shu felt a tugging on his pant leg. Ryuichi had slipped to the floor, his cup positioned at the hem, trying to shake some ice out of his special dispenser, licking his lips. Shuichi muffled a laugh and flopped down on him wordlessly, slapping a handful of ice on his taunt belly and daring him to make a sound. They flailed and muffled giggles, and by the time they had the mess and themselves cleaned up they were pink-faced and tired from suppressed laughter. Ryu ran a cold tongue over Shu's ear, revealing a last hidden ice cube in his mouth as they settled back on the couch; he sat back quickly when Yuki came out to survey the scene. Everything was cleaned up and quiet.

"Isn't your playdate over, kids?" Yuki growled. "say goodnight, baka!"

We had too much fun, Shu thought guiltily. Too much touching. He knows, he knows, Shuichi fretted, he's really going to be mad at me now.

His friend felt him tense up, and he gathered him close when Yuki went back to his laptop.

"He's not mad about us, Shu," a hot breath offered in his ear. "He didn't pay any attention. Like he always does. Like I never would. I would never make you suffer the way that he does. I would love you with every inch of me, body and soul." Ryu gently brushed his cheek with his slightly wet stuffed toy, but he wasn't being childlike now. He gave him a gentle but very adult kiss, and then rose to leave, whispering "It has been fun, Shu-chan. I'll have your taste on my lips forever." He smiled with his eyes closed sweetly, and Shuichi felt a pang of regret that he hadn't gotten close to Ryu before he met Yuki. But of course, that wasn't how it happened, and it couldn't be undone. Even with his rock-god-idol-sexy-fun-hot-cool perfection right here, offered up before him, he longed instead for Yuki's raw sexy insults.

Which Kumagoro thought privately made him one sick little son-of-a-bitch. Just wait until Yuki finds the beer cans under the couch cushions…


End file.
